So, I'm a few days into this experiment, and it's amazing what has come up already. I've started to realise that it's not just linked to rejection for me - I can experience resistance to doing things for a whole ton of reasons. So, I'm expanding my "1000 opportunities for rejection" to "1000 opportunities for rejection and resistance". I want to keep walking into the things that I fear.
I had a coaching call with Lisa O yesterday, which did absolute wonders for helping me to see the light of possibility again. I had left immersion feeling so flat, and with no energy or hope for myself. I couldn't imagine selling anything.
But, one coaching call later, and we suddenly have a plan and a lot more enthusiasm. My cluster is taking shape in front of my eyes. I'm utilising my time in Perth next week to have as many coffees as I can to talk about this cluster, and I'm then going to go back to Perth in a month's time to run it as a one day workshop for whoever, but then have a few days free for people to potentially buy it for their organisations.
It's terrifying, in some ways. I'm not sure when my self confidence took such a profound hit, but I sort of feel like I have absolutely nothing valuable to offer the world that it would pay for. Except, this creativity cluster has got me freaking excited - it's the training day I would dream of running.
Things I've done so far to walk into my fear of rejection include:
- Sharing my newsletter header art on Instagram (sharing any of my art or music is always nerve wracking for me).
- Telling my Instagram followers that I had had a less than exciting quarter and was repositioning myself.
- I shared the post cards I had made with the girl who works in my local cafe (that's a sharing my art moment, again).
- I figured out how to get my old domain name to work on my new site (I hate technology. So much resistance).
- In my coaching session with Lisa I told her all of the negative things I hear in my head about my ability to sell. There's something often frightening about being explicit about how insecure you feel.
- I asked Andrew to spot me $1000 because a client is sitting on my $9000 invoice. I am literally down to the last $2 in my bank account. I hate asking for money more than anything. This is not the first time I've had to do this with him, and while I understand reciprocity in partnerships, this makes me feel particularly vulnerable. The only upside to this time was that I didn't burst into tears afterwards.
- I'm running a training day on Friday, and I sent through all of the exercises to my contact at the client and asked her to print them out (given that I'm flying over). She's more than happy to do it, but I was hesitant to do that because of the voice in my head that says I should be all over that kind of thing.
I'm all prepped and ready to go for this training day that I'm running on Friday. I can only hope that it works out as good as it is in my head!